Sawyer's Memory Wall

The long awaited memory wall has finally been put up! Ever since my mom showed me the Pinterest post, I knew we had to do that for my sweet Sawyer. I wish I could say I am so happy and so overjoyed that it is complete, but it is so bittersweet. The flood of emotions I experienced the night my dad and Josh hung everything was so intense and I wasn't expecting it at all.

I try to go through daily life without thinking about all the things I am missing out on, but that usually doesn't work. The mind is an evil thing, and Satan is always on the move especially since I have chosen to chose God and His faithfulness over letting Satan take hold on my emotions. Every morning I wake up I have to fight off the thoughts of "I wonder if Sawyer would be sick today, or who would be keeping him." Every day at school I have to avoid the thoughts of "I wonder what Sawyer's favorite subject would be?" or "I wonder what Sawyer would have liked to do at recess when he was in third grade?" Questions I will never know the answer to, ever. Most of my friends are either pregnant, have kids, or aren't even at the stage of having kids. I struggle with where I even fit in these days. I have several close friends, don't get me wrong, but sometimes the thoughts of "do I really belong?" take a step into my ever running mind.

When we put up the memory wall it all came flying at me like a hurricane I couldn't escape. The wall is beautiful and holds the memories, the only memories, I will ever make with my son. But it also brought up the realization that while my pregnant friends are getting their nurseries ready and my friends with babies are posting new pictures every day, but here I am making a memory wall for my son who died. I shouldn't have to be doing that. I should be taking new pictures. I should have new stories to be telling. I feel awkward and uncomfortable when people share stories of their children because I don't have any new stories to share. The only stories I have are the ones every one has stories I have are the same ones I have already told and no one wants to hear those all the time. Some people act like I haven't even had a son, or a son who passed away, when they see me they just act like nothing ever happened. That hurts. A lot. I have a son. He isn't here with me but he is mine. My heart loves him more every day. My heart misses him more every day. My arms continue to ache for a baby I held three times, think about that the next time you complain your child doesn't want to do anything but be held.

I sometimes wonder how many people judge me for the way I grieve. Then I realize it doesn't matter. No one has walked in my exact shoes. There are those that can relate because they, too, have lost a baby. I am thankful for those people. But there is no one who found out on January 3 that something might be wrong with their baby. No one who left everything they knew behind on February 13 to head to Cincinnati not knowing when they would return. No one who spent 24 hours in labor only to have a C-section. No one who heard their baby cry but couldn't see him for many hours later. There is no one else who sat and held their baby as he took his last breath looking in to his mommy and daddy's eyes on May 27, 2013 at 9:36 PM in the CICU at Egleston. No one who sat in a room holding their lifeless baby as their parents and siblings grieve over the precious baby. No one who looked at their beautiful baby lying in a casket on May 30 desperately wishing he was sleeping and could be taken home soon. No one who had to leave the room as the funeral home closed the casket to the son we cherished for 18 days of life on Earth and will cherish for an eternity. There are those friends, though, that do their best to be there. I am thankful for that. I am thankful for the texts that say "God continues to be sovereign. He is the same on the mountaintop as he is in the valley." & "I think God is trying to tell you 'I've got you, Ashlyn... always have and I'm not letting go."

The hardest thing for me is feeling like I am letting people down. There are things that I just can't do emotionally because my heart is still hurting so bad. I haven't "scrolled" through my news feed on Facebook in quite some time. I avoid it by just posting something and only looking at any notifications applying to my post. It has helped me greatly. But there are things like baby showers and birthday parties that I can't attend and as much as my heart hurts at the memories it brings up it also hurts because I feel bad. I have a 4-month old cousin (more like a nephew) that I haven't been able to hold since Sawyer passed away. It hurts that I can't hold him as much as it hurts to think about not holding Sawyer. It hurts to see pictures of new babies (another reason I limited my time on Facebook). It hurts to see the interactions of big brothers with their little siblings, something Sawyer's future sibling's won't be able to do with him. Everything just hurts. The day I don't cry will be an accomplishment.

Here are the pictures of the memory wall, some close up for a better view. Excuse the quality. My camera card isn't working and I had to use my phone.

I love this. The letters are covered in maps and painted brown. My mom did this for his nursery.

The beach picture is simply amazing and captures everything. Thanks to Brenda Jones for picking up this beautiful piece. Love my sweet heart warrior.

So glad Julie convinced me to start painting.

Love this board, and the fact I can interchange the pictures.

 I can't leave the stones that Dr. V's office gave me at the grave but I am using this vase to put them in on his memory wall. I am IN LOVE. The giraffe and elephant are the ones he had in his crib at Egleston, and my mom made an extra set that we put in the casket with him. That bag to the left is what we put the peanuts in for the name announcement.

Found this picture frame at Kohl's and I love it. It holds a picture of the first time I held my sweet baby, a memory I won't ever forget. And of course his heart warrior pillow.

This says "As a mother comforts her child, so I will comfort you." Isaiah 66:13

As we were at Walmart getting supplies to hang things up my mom found this. It was too perfect not to buy. The Lord speaks to me at every turn.

I love the entire wall, but this sunflower is amazing. I also found this the night we put the memory wall because we went to look for brown shelves for the wall. I couldn't help it. These pictures are also at the top of the list. Seeing my husband hold his son for the first time, there are no words to describe how this made me and makes me feel.

This wall is at the top of my stairs on the way to my bedroom. It is the last thing we see on the way to bed and one of the first things we see in the morning on our way to start our day. It makes me sad and happy all at the same time. 

I guess people just don't know what to say to me. And I don't know what people should say. But I don't want people to act like this didn't happen. I don't want people to act like I don't have a baby. I do. He may not be here with me, but that doesn't mean I don't have a son. It hurts to hear others share their stories of accomplishments of their little ones, but I have nothing. It doesn't mean I don't want hear them, though. I have no new stories, and I cringe at the thought that I never will. I try to focus on the joy that these parents have and that they are cherishing those moments. I pray Sawyer's story has encouraged you to cherish the moments and share them with others.

Nights like tonight I cling to Isaiah 43:2 "When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; And through the rivers, they will not overflow you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be scorched, nor will the flame burn you". Also Psalm 55:22 "Cast your burden on the Lord, and he will sustain you; he will never permit the righteous to be moved." Even though my heart is hurting, so bad, the Lord is with me. He is with me every step of the way. He knows my pain even when others don't. He is telling Sawyer all about his mommy and daddy and how much we love and miss him. He is taking care of my son, while I can't. He is working on healing in my heart, and He does care. These things I know are true. Even when I feel like every one else has moved on and "forgotten", He reminds me that He is right here, and He hasn't forgotten.

Until next time,

Ashlyn

Happy 3 Month Birthday, Sawyer!

Today is August 9. Today is the day Sawyer would have been 3 months old. Hard to believe it has only been 3 months since our precious boy made his entrance in to this world, but he stole my heart long before that. As soon as we found out we were expecting I knew that I was growing a love for someone that was much greater than any other love I have ever felt, a mother's love. I feel like like has flown by but also that it has dragged on at the same time. I have so much I want to say, but sometimes I can't find the words. I started this blog as a way to keep all who cared in the loop a little bit easier rather than having to call our large families every doctors appointment. I never imagined it would grow to have so many followers, nor did I think I would ever have this much to say. In school I never felt as if I was a strong writer, but now I have many people telling me to write a book. One day I think I will. Something to help other mothers (and fathers) that may find themselves in the terrible life situation we are in now. Yes, I said it. This place we are in is TERRIBLE, lonely, no good, sad, and just makes every one feel sorry for us. 

With that being said - there are good things coming out of this. I shared the story of a man who read our blog, has been through the same thing, and came to know Christ on my Facebook page a few weeks ago. I am not sure that all the details are correct in who is related to who, but that doesn't really matter. Every year we go to the beach at the same time as many other families. One of them told me that her daughter shared our story in her Sunday school class. Another girl in the class spoke up and said her cousin and her husband had a baby that passed away from the same heart defect that Sawyer had. The baby's father (her cousins husband) was struggling with understanding why this was happening to them and they ran across our blog. That man has since given his life to Christ and I am so thankful that The Lord has used Sawyer and our story to further His kingdom! What a blessing and something that makes my broken heart happy to hear. God has a plan for our lives and for Sawyer's life to make an impact on this world and I am thankful to see that unfolding. I am not sure if this man is reading my blog anymore, but I hope he is. If you are that man - I am so happy that you are now my brother in Christ. I may not meet you here on Earth, but what an exciting thing to know I will meet you in Heaven and we will BOTH see our beloved babies again. If you are reading this and ever need anything, please contact me!

Days like today are when I remember those stories, and the times that people have been encouraged through the Lord by reading my story. I know the Lord has equipped me to be a good writer so He can speak through me to those who need to hear Him. Days like today are still very hard emotionally and physically. Normally I let the sadness overcome me and take the tears in stride, but I couldn't do that today. Today I had to teach the 57 that the Lord has blessed me with in the classroom. Today I had to be their encouragement in Math. Today the Lord used those children to bless my heart. 

I wish I was the mom posting a picture of my baby with those cute "three month" stickers. I know I say that every month or in every post, but you know what? It's the truth and something I looked forward to so it hurts that I can't. Even as silly as that is I encourage all of you parents to soak it all in. Soak it in for me. Soak it in for the moms that don't get to cuddle their littles. SOAK IT ALL IN. 

 I took Sawyer his new flowers this month. Sunflowers and giraffes. Three giraffes to be exact, because that is my "three month sticker". I love how they turned out this month, I am already thinking of my ideas for next month. Arranging his flowers is the only thing I can physically do for him, so that is what I plan on doing.

 I mentioned in my last post that I have decided to limit my time on Facebook and so far it has gone great. I deleted the app from my phone and have lately only logged on  to post something. I was planning on not even posting but the kids this week were too cute with the things they said to me. Other than that I hardly skimmed my news feed, it was the source of so much pain and the reason I made the decision. I saw a post recently (the time I decided to scroll through my news feed) where someone posted a picture of their son in the same onsie we put Sawyer in after he passed away. The only onsie we were ever able to dress our son in was right there staring back at me but on another baby. My stomach and heart hit the floor. I realize that I am still not ready to scroll through the news feed anytime soon. (If you want me to know something you should send me a text or email, I probably won't see it.) The pain that comes physically is indescribable and nothing that can be cured with any medicine. My arms physically ache to hold my baby. To hold the baby I only held three times while he was here with us. I still cry when I see big brothers and their younger siblings, something that my future children won't have the privilege of enjoying. They will all know about their big brother Sawyer, but they won't know what it's like to have a big brother to play with and that makes me sad. When we take family pictures there will always be someone missing, always. I always think about silly things like - what names do I put on our Christmas card? How do I sign birthday cards? It probably doesn't matter to anyone what I write, but I still think about it. 

Whew, enough of that and enough crying for today. Let me tell you about my first week of school. I hardly slept this week so nervous and excited for each day with my students, all 57 of them. I have one third grade, one fourth, and two fifth grade classes. I start with my fifth grade class and we have Bible and then Math. This week they memorized John 3:16 - "For God so loved the world that He gave his one and only son, that whoever believes in Him shall not perish but have eternal life". What a great way to start the week, and a reminder for me that God understands my pain in losing Sawyer, He lost his son too. All the students memorized the verse so we had ice cream at lunch! The first day I spent a lot of time getting to know the students and they were able to ask me questions about myself. Here is how that went in EVERY class: Do you like six flags? Do you like movies? Do you play video games? (those were from the boys) How old are you? Are you married? What is your husband's name? Do you have children? (these were from the girls.) BAM - there it is. "Do you have children?" I knew this would happen, and I had already prepared myself to tell the story. Since hearing of Sawyer and that fact that he died and is no longer with us, these children have blessed my heart so much. I received a note from a fifth grade student today that said "You are the best math teacher I have ever had. I am so sorry your son died". Thank goodness he gave it to me at the end of the day because I lost it. Things like this have happened all week.

When I told them about Sawyer I made sure to say that I would see him again in Heaven one day ( a blessing about being in a private Christian school). On Wednesday I put up pictures of him and the third grade class saw them as they lined up to leave. They asked all about the breathing tube and told me how he was so cute. My word, they are the sweetest class! On Thursday a third grade girl came up to me and said "I'm so sad we didn't get to meet him but one day you can go to Heaven and take care of him all you want, but he'll probably be bigger". I could feel the tears welling up. Luckily I kept it together for the most part until the end of the day. My heart needed that though and I know that the Lord is using me to bless these children just as much as they are blessing me.

When I started teaching I was so worried the kids wouldn't like me... but boy was I wrong! I don't even care that I am bragging on myself - Ha! Here is an email I received from one of the parents:

"Mrs. Murphy, I just wanted to say THANK YOU for whatever you are doing in class. (My son) got in the car today and said he now loves math because of you and you are his favorite teacher! You have no idea how much this means to us with years of struggle with this subject. I know it's only second day of school ha ha but I really appreciate you already! So, thank you!"

Then today I received a text from a friend. She says she works for one of my students parents. That student came home and said math was his favorite class and his teacher is "pretty cool"... Hey, I'll take that!

I am blessed beyond belief to work with all of these students. I pray that this school year continues to be as awesome as it started and that I can make a difference in these children's lives through my teaching. I pray that the love of Christ is displayed through my actions and teaching. I pray that the Lord continues to use these children to bless my heart, because I know I need it.

This road has been hard. This road has been long. This road has been rough. This road has been anything but easy. I miss Sawyer SO much. One day I will be able to hold another baby again. I sometimes have a hard time even looking at a baby, but that's okay. I am thankful for friends that understand. For friends that are loving. For friends that care. No one can understand my pain if they haven't lost a child, but I am thankful for those who understand I have to do what heals my heart. I have to do what makes me ease the pain. I haven't posted these in the blog before, but I have three tattoos. I guess I kept them to myself because sometimes people are so judgmental of tattoos. But really, it doesn't matter what people think. When you have walked in my shoes then you can tell me what you would have done. These tattoos have led to more people asking about Sawyer than I could have ever imagined. If you have been looking at my pictures on Facebook I am sure you have seen them.

I have this on my right shoulder. The heart and the five x's represent his five defects. Whenever anyone sees it they always ask the significance of the five x's, I am always happy to share :)

 

Here you can see where it is:

This is when Emma Grace and I took two balloons to the beach. One for her, one for Sawyer and then we released them and were waving to them.

I have this on my wrist. Every time I pay for something or use my hand, people see his name. Questions I get: Who is Sawyer? Is that your child? How old are they? All of these questions lead to me telling his story, something I don't complain about.

 

I also have his footprint on my foot, his ACTUAL footprint. I took the footprint in we made the night Sawyer passed away. They scanned it in and he used it as reference. It is perfect and my favorite. He will forever be in my heart and he is ALWAYS with me wherever I may go.

You may have your own opinions of tattoos and that is fine. I have mine. I got these as a way to remember my son and be able to share his story. These are so special to me. The footprint is probably my favorite. 

Sawyer is my angel baby. Sawyer will be forever in my heart. Sawyer is an inspiration to live with more strength than we think we have. The cliche phrase is "God will never give you more than you can handle". This is not true. The things we go through in life draw us to Him. There is nothing He cannot handle, there are plenty of things we can handle. I honestly don't know who could handle losing their child alone, without the strength I have had to rely on from God. He is sometimes the only thing keeping me together. He is the only one that is a source of constant encouragement, especially through those friends he has put in my life. This is a shout-out to the GA Christian Mom group I was a part of before Sawyer was born and during his life. This is a group on Facebook that I was added to by a dear friend. These ladies have surrounded me with more love and encouragement than I know what to do with. Ladies - I AM THANKFUL FOR YOU AND THAT GOD HAS PUT YOU IN MY LIVES. I cannot wait to rejoin the group, when I am ready of course. You are all such a blessing and I know the Lord is working through you all to help build me up. I love you all. 

Thank you for your continued prayers.

Until next time,

Ashlyn

Visitation

Tonight was such a sweet blessing. My sweet Sawyer looked like a precious angel and I am so glad we were able to share him with everyone over the last few weeks and tonight especially. I am so touched by everyone who came out to show their love for our family and Sawyer. 

It is easy to get sad and depressed about everything that is going on with our lives. I have felt the hurt and pain and anger and those feelings are still very real. I am choosing to cherish the memories I have of my sweet boy and all the time I was able to spend with him. I am so thankful I was his mommy and that Josh was his daddy. We will see him again and I cannot wait for that day. For now, I will always remember him and make sure his life and story are used for God's glory and to help others. 

I know I can cry out to The Lord with my pain. He knows EXACTLY how we feel. He gave His Son as a sacrifice for us, all of us, and that is the reason we will see Sawyer again. Josh and I have chosen to trust in The Lord and fully commit our lives to Him and know we will spend eternity with Him and our precious Sawyer. God holds every tear we cry in His hand and cries with us. Tomorrow is going to be tough, but we are thankful for everyone planning to be there to support us. 

I wanted so badly to pick Sawyer up out of that casket and bring my baby home. He was so perfect and it is so hard for us to have to bury our baby. Thank you all for your continued prayers. Sawyer has a new healthy heart and is perfect and happy with Jesus. I can't wait to see him again! 

Joshua 1:9 

Remembering our sweet Sawyer

From the Facebook page:

"Many of you have been asking about arrangements for our sweet Sawyer. Please see the details below. All of you are welcome to join us for the visitation and the chapel service. We are thankful for your prayers over the last few weeks and months and would be honored if you would join us in remembering the sweet life of Sawyer. 

Visitation 

Wednesday, May 29, 2013

4-8 PM 

Wages & Sons Funeral Home

1031 Lawrenceville Highway

Lawrenceville, GA 30045

Chapel Service

Thursday, May 30, 2013

2 PM

Wages & Sons Funeral Home

1031 Lawrenceville Highway Lawrenceville, GA 30045

There will be a private graveside service for our families. 

A lot of people have asked about meals for Josh and I. Right now we are asking that we have privacy and we will be leaving town after the services for a few days. If you would like to bring us a meal when we return, someone will be setting that up and you can sign up then. 

Josh and I are so thankful for all of your love, support, donations, and prayers. Sawyer touched our hearts and we will love him forever. He showed us how to be stronger than the battles life gives us, and a love like no other. He touched more lives in the 18 days he was here with us than most people do in their lifetime. I pray that God shows us the reason for all of this, but for now we trust in Him that Sawyer's life has been used and will continue to be used for God's glory. We are extremely heart broken by this whole experience but are resting in the fact that Sawyer is healthy and happy and playing a round of golf with Jesus. We will miss him terribly, but grateful that we can spend eternity with him and our Heavenly Father after our earthly time is over."

rock bottom

The past 24 hours have probably been the most trying times of our whole entire lives. I realize that after the third surgery update yesterday I haven't updated the blog with any details, but we have been faced with more challenges than we could have ever imagined. Yesterday morning we arrived at the hospital at 5:30 AM to take our family back to see Sawyer before shift change and then got ready to head back to the CICU to hold our sweet baby. Around 9:30 we were able to head back and see him and also hold him. We also walked him down to the OR and leaving him there was one of the most difficult things I had to do yesterday. I posted regular updates about the surgery and you can read those in the previous posts. This post is going to basically pick up where I left off. What happened last night is anything but great so please be prepared when getting ready to read the details of our experience.

We got the call around 6 PM that surgery was coming to a close and Dr. Alsoufi would be out to speak with us in a few minutes. If you remember they told us from start to finish the surgery would last 4-5 hours, including anesthesia. We took Sawyer down to the OR at 12 PM, so the surgery was actually 6 hours total. Dr. Alsoufi came and met with Josh and I in a seperate room from our families to let us know how surgery went. He said that once he opened him up to perform surgery he realized just how sick Sawyer really was. His lungs are a lot worse than he had thought, and his pulmonary arteries were also much larger than anyone had expected. He told us that Sawyer was really struggling. The heart operation went great and the echocardiogram showed that his function was really good as well, but they just could not get him to stabilize. In fact, the surgery was actually over at 3 PM and it took them 3 hours to get him stable enough to feel comfortable moving him back to the CICU for recovery. With open heart surgeries on babies they sometimes have to leave the chest open because of swelling. They cover it with a patch and will go in and close it a few days later once the swelling has gone down. Everytime Dr. Alsoufi had tried to close his chest his numbers would drop so he had to leave the chest open and covered with a patch. By the time Dr. Alsoufi was talking with us Sawyer had been stable for about 45 minutes and he was comfortable with them transporting him back to the CICU. This is where things took a turn for the worse.

After talking to the doctor, we decided that we should probably go eat because we wouldn't be able to see Sawyer for another hour and a half. There is a restaurant near the hospital, literally like 4-5 minutes, that we decided we would go to eat and then we would head back ASAP. I was having a hard time dealing with the fact that Sawyer was struggling, but I wasn't going to be able to see him any time soon and there was nothing that I could do so we made the decision that we really needed some fresh air and some dinner. As we pulled in to the parking lot of the restaurant my phone started ringing. It was the nurse that works with Dr. Alsoufi calling to say that Sawyer wasn't doing well and we needed to head back ASAP. The surgeon was in the CICU having to open his chest back up to perform more surgery. We called our families (who were already inside the restaurant) and told them to leave now and head back. I don't think Josh has ever driven so fast in his whole entire life, the whole time we were both crying out to God to please save our baby and guide the surgeons to make the right decisions that would help save his life. We really didn't know what was going on and wouldn't until we could get back and meet with Tracy, the nurse who had called us to come back. I literally thought we were going to lose him.

As soon as we got back we ran to the CICU and found Tracy. She took us to a small conference room and sat us both down to tell us what had happened. As soon as they got back to the CICU his numbers started going crazy. His blood pressure was all over the place and his heart rate was in the 200's (WAY too high). When he left surgery he was on a lot of medication to keep things regulated, so they gave more medicine and when that wasn't working they knew they had to do something. About that time he went in the cardiac arrest and his heart stopped beating so they had to do compressions. After about four minutes his pressure went back up, but Dr. Alsoufi made the decision that in order to save his life he would need to be put on the ECMO machine. The ECMO machine is a heart and lung bypass that takes all of the blood out of the body, oxygenates it, and then puts it back. It allows the heart to rest and recover without making the other organs of the body, such as the brain and kidneys, suffer from the heart not working properly. His right ventricle is VERY thick. The heart is a muscle so since it has been having to work SO hard in and out of the womb it became thick. His heart was also very tired from the combination of working before surgery and also the significant surgery he just went through. ECMO allows his heart to rest and recover and in about 2-3 days they will start the process of weaning him off. This is VERY serious and right now is the only thing keeping Sawyer alive. We are thankful that the nurses and doctors knew the right things to do and the right time to intervene, a blessing that we can only thank God for right now. Josh and I have hit rock bottom. I NEVER imagined that this is how things would turn out and I am falling apart. Sawyer is such a fighter and I know he will make it through this, I know he will. The waiting and making sure everything goes as well as they would like in order to transition him off the machine is the hardest part. We have been able to see him and that wasn't easy. He is connected to so many wires and tube and it is just so different from how he looked before surgery.

Sawyer will still need lung intervention after they can get him off of ECMO. Right now we are taking this stage by stage and his heart is the MOST important thing. I know that he was just tired from the surgery and how hard his heart was working before so I am hoping that we will only have the minimal days of ECMO and he proves to be improving. Just to give you all an idea on how large his pulmonary arteries were - they should measure 5-6 mm, they could only reduce them to 9 mm so they are still large but the orginal size was 24 mm.... They were HUGE. With that being said, his lungs are severely affected. We stayed at the hospital last night and called to check on him pretty regular. All of the nurses and doctors have told us how impressed they are with how he is doing. We know God's hand is in this and that he is taking care of our sweet Sawyer. They will continue to monitor him on ECMO until at least Saturday before they make any decisions. He needs time to rest and they don't want to rush that, and neither do we...

We are so thankful for your prayers. I have read all of your comments and messages, I just can't respond to them all individually. Our families have been a huge support and I honestly don't know where we would be without them. Josh and I are clinging to God's promises and crying out to him that he will protect Sawyer and help the surgeon and doctors continue to make the right decisions. Please continue to pray for Sawyer and I will update as I can. Majority of the updates will be on the facebook page - www.facebook.com/BabyMurphyUpdates.com

For more information on what ECMO is please visit this website: http://www.mch.com/page/EN/2052/Extra-Corporeal-Membrane-Oxygenation/What-is-ECMO?.aspx

He will continue to have two nurses, one to monitor his numbers and one to monitor the ECMO machine.

Ashlyn

surgery update #3

Today has been the longest day of my whole life. We were up at the hospital at 5:30 AM to take our parents and siblings back to see Sawyer (they are the only ones we have taken back to see Sawyer so far to limit his exposure to outside germs and keep him healthy). Ever since then we have been going, going, going. 

They called at 4:45 to let us know they are winding down. They are slowly taking him off bypass and will be finishing up. We aren't sure when they will be done, or how things went, until they call in an hour. We will also meet with the surgeon to go over the surgery. Because of the swelling they will leave his chest open with a patch over it in order to allow the swelling to go down. Once it's gone down they will close his chest (not another operation just something that will be done in the CICU in the next couple of days). 

Please continue to pray - we are eager to meet with he surgeon to hear how things have gone. We won't really know the prognosis of the lungs until the next few days after he has recovered more from this heart operation. 

Love, 

Ashlyn

surgery update #2

Josh and I walked with Sawyer back to the OR room around 12 PM. We both gave him kisses and told him we loved him. Walking away was probably one of the hardest things we have ever done. No one can prepare you for how it feels to leave your two week old son for open heart surgery. 

After we left him, we headed to the family waiting room where they will call us with updates. The sedation process takes about an hour so we were prepared for a call around one. We both got lunch and settled in with our families to wait for the call. They did call at one and said he had gone to sleep fine and they had just made the incision. We were told the next call would come in an hour to an hour and a half. TWO HOURS LATER at 3 PM- they finally called! They have successfully gotten him on bypass and they are doing the repairs right now. The next call will hopefully come within an hour to an hour and a half. 

Thank you for continuing to pray for our family and sweet Sawyer!

 

Here are some more pictures!

Love,

Ashlyn

surgery update #1

Hi everyone! Just wanted to let those know who follow our blog but not necessarily our Facebook page that surgery has been delayed to closer to 12 PM. Sawyer was second case, so he had to wait for the first surgery to be completed. I am happy to say that Josh and I were finally able to hold him - check out the pictures! I can't describe how amazing this feeling was to finally hold my son after 13 long drawn out days!

Please continue to pray for Sawyer and all doctors/surgeons involved in the surgery!

Love,

Ashlyn