Sunday, November 8, 2015

Two and a half years later

Recently the news has been filled with story after story of parents losing their children much too young, and it hits home every single time. I've learned that ,regardless of the age of your child when you had to say goodbye, the pain is unimaginable even for those who have experienced the same. I never know what to say, along with everyone else, because the truth is I know that nothing makes it better. There aren't magic words that anyone can say to make you feel better or make the situation seem not so bad - in fact it usually backfires when people make an attempt to 'bandaid' the situation.

I once had someone tell me "well, at lease you didn't have him for that long so it couldn't have been as hard as someone who lost them at age 5, 10, etc". I stood there dumbfounded not knowing what to say. I don't compare my loss to anyone else's because it is my own, not theirs, nor is their loss mine. In the end, we have both said goodbye to our children too soon and are both missing out on monumental occasions.

Two and a half years removed from the loss of Sawyer and it still hurts just as bad. I've learned to deal with daily life, but when it hits, it hits hard. I will never forget attending a support group about 6 months after he passed away and we were celebrating the birthday of another angel baby who would have been five years old. I watched as the mother sobbed, the same way I sobbed, only there were years between our loss. I think before then I had this strange thought that surely I wouldn't be this upset forever, but on those special days I know I will. When I got home and told Josh - it's always going to hurt this bad. Sure, daily life has gotten easier to deal with and I feel that I have a better hold on my emotional stability and how I deal with the pain. The special days though rip straight through my heart, and some days its just a random day when a random thought pops in to my head. For instance, we have been discussing fitting two car seats in the backseat of my car - when it should be three. I've even been hit with a wave of sadness when the hostess how many are in our party, because one is always missing.

Days go by when I don't cry, but never does a day go by when I don't think about that sweet boy. The days when the tears hit can be completely random or tied to a specific event or holiday. I wish he was here with us always, and even at 2-1/2 years removed from the freshness of it all, it still feels so fresh. It feels fresh when people don't acknowledge him in our growing family. It feels fresh when I am reminded he won't be here for the holidays. It feels fresh every time I look at Rhory and wish she wasn't missing out on that sweet big brother- little sister relationship. It just feels fresh. 

Until next time,

Thursday, October 1, 2015


I absolutely cannot believe it! Our baby girl is ONE!! 

Of course we had a kitty cat themed party for her - more pictures to come! She has restored so much joy to our family and we are so thankful for her every day!

At one year old she is:
-saying mama, dada, kitty, meow, and eat
-she took her first steps on her birthday!
-she loves her kitty cats and chases them around the house
-she loves to giggle 
-she loves any food we put in front of her, really, anything!
-mandarin oranges are her favorite 
-she is slightly anemic so we are working on that
-she likes to kiss her baby dolls and give them hugs
-she isn't much for snuggling but we do get hugs occasionally! 
-she weighs 18 pounds and is almost 30 inches tall
-no more bottle, only soppy cups
-whole milk!
-haven't introduced juice yet
-she wears bows less frequently because she always tries to take them off and put them back on with great frustration ha 
-she loves the outdoors!

We are so overwhelmed with love for her and again, are thankful daily!  

Rhory Camille: Eleven Months

Well, I am way behind on this! Rhory turned 11 months on August 4, and a lot happened during her 11th month of life! She had her first trip to the beach, found out she would be a big sister, and mommy went back to work! Lots of changes that she handled like a champ. I am so thankful for an easy going baby who rolls with the craziness that is our life. She started saying mama and dada a lot during this month and pulling up a good amount, but no real steps. My dad predicted it would be soon, though!

I'll post a collage of her 11 month pictures soon but for now I am glad to have the post done!

Thursday, July 23, 2015

Rhory Camille: Ten Months

Look at that sweet baby! She has such a personality and is constantly making us laugh. Her tenth month of life was filled with much excitement! I started a nanny job so she was constantly surrounded with her "new" friends - a 7 year old girl and a 9 year old boy. They loved her, too! Every afternoon when we dropped them off she would cry and cry because she didn't have her back seat entertainment! 

I have stopped relying on my measuring skills, hence the "ish" in the photos near the weight and height. Ha! 

Her ten month birthday was on the Fourth of July! She wasn't too fond of the fireworks but she had a weekend long celebration! I'll make the slideshow of pics later and post them :) it is so hard to believe she will be a year old soon... I desperately need to get to planning her birthday party! 


Saturday, June 20, 2015

Rhory Camille: Nine Months!

Nine months! Her first birthday is approaching so quickly - I just can't believe it!! I am so way behind on this post :( but, life has been busy and her ninth month of life happened to be during the month of May which is a super hard month as it is. She has been cutting two teeth and eating more and more! I will put some pictures in a slide show and post them!

We love our sweet girl!

Sawyer's 2nd Birthday

It's crazy how fast time has flown by, and the fact that I am over a month late on this post!

Sawyer's second birthday was rough and it hit us hard. I think with Rhory being here it made us realize everything we have missed out on with Sawyer. All of the things she does are also those things we are realizing we will never see him do. Grief and joy fully existing within the realm of one another. 

We decided to do the art drive again - mentioned in an earlier post - and I took that down on the two year anniversary of his death. We were able to donate a lot of art supplies for the kids! Next year I want to get restaurants involved as drop off locations and make it super big.  

We didn't do a dinner or a get together because I just didn't want to. Josh and I took Rhory out to dinner and then met up with a few friends and family for a lantern release at the grave. We found heart shaped lanterns that I knew would be perfect. We spent the day at Fernbank just enjoying family time, and creating memories. After releasing the lanterns in the evening we grabbed some ice cream at Dairy Queen. A perfect birthday treat that I knew Sawyer would enjoy!

Happy birthday Sawyer! We love you forever and always!

Monday, May 11, 2015

Rhory Camille: Eight Months!

Rhory has had a very exciting month! She has started crawling, waving, and saying da-da. She can also sign 'milk' - and we are working on 'more' and 'all done'. She amazes me every day with her new abilities and her excitedness to explore. She loves trying new foods and we are currently trying to stay away from bananas and cheese because she has been a little stopped up. This past month we also celebrated Josh and I's third anniversary and my birthday! Life is moving so quickly, I am ready for it to slow down. Soon we will be celebrating this sweet girls first birthday - what?! She is still nursing and that is going great, so I am very excited that we have been able to make it this far. This month we also participated in the 2nd Annual Congenital Heart Walk in the Greater Atlanta Area in memory of Sawyer. Every time we go visit his grave, Rhory is just as happy as can be! I know she knows how much her big brother loves her because I tell her all the time and I know she loves him too!

I usually post a lot of pictures, but I have become weary of people taking them so I created a slideshow and will do that for months to come...