pediatric cardiologist check-in!

Sometimes I wonder if I should just move in to the hospital because we have so many appointments there! Today our appointment was with the pediatric cardiologist, Dr. V! I enjoy these appointments because the office staff is so friendly as well as Dr. V. We haven't seen them in over 6 weeks since our last appointment so I was really hoping that nothing had changed. In Cincinnati they did an echo cardiogram but even that was 4 weeks ago (CRAZY how time flies by yet feels so slow at the same time). The ultrasound technician is Michelle and she has to be one of the sweetest people. She even told us that she is about 13 weeks along with her second child - exciting! She did the echo and took lots of pictures and for the first time at these appointments baby Murphy actually stayed still for the whole entire echo! She left and said she would be right back, and about 2 minutes later came back with Dr. V and they reviewed the images. THANKFULLY Dr. V said that everything looks the same and he can't see any major changes!! I wish this meant we were in the clear, but we still won't really know how it affects him until he is born - so now we wait. He does want us to come back in 4 weeks for another "check-in" but it really is all dependent on how he looks when he makes his arrival and they can take a better look at his heart then. Unfortunately the defect is still pretty rare and severe so as time gets closer I get more and more nervous.

As many of you know, we are keeping baby Murphy's name a secret until he is born. This has been quite a challenge because I would love to share it BUT Josh and I have decided to keep it a secret and it is the only "thing" that he and I know. I have also wondered how I was going to tell people his name and make the announcement once he is here and I just could not come up with an idea... UNTIL NOW! Everyone has been giving him the nickname of 'Peanut' and it has stuck, so we are going to write his name on peanuts and have them in little brown bags. Once Josh and/or someone else makes the announcement that he has arrived we will let the family members that are at the hospital open the bags for the name reveal! EEK!! I am seriously so excited for this - and of course pictures will be posted to Facebook/the blog for those that will be praying for us at home and anxiously awaiting his arrival :)

These last few months have felt like years at some points and minutes at others. I desperately wish I could change all of this for my baby and make everything okay. I wish I didn't live in fear for what's to come, and that is was easier to trust in the Lord and His plan. Some days it is, but some days it isn't and I won't pretend that it is. I know in the end God's plan will be carried out and he will be faithful to Josh and I. "For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. The Lord loves righteousness and justice; the earth is full of his unfailing love." Psalm 33:4-5. The Lord WILL be faithful and that is what my prayers have been, especially recently. That Josh and I will see His faithfulness through all of this. Josh and are a part of a small group and after our meeting this past Tuesday I felt encouraged to see God's faithfulness throughout these appointments and the weeks leading up to the birth. I can't really picture anything for what it will look like after Peanut gets here because I have never been through ANYTHING like this, but I can thank God for all of His faithfulness and blessings so far and that is what I am trying to focus on until his arrival. I will be honest, I am scared out of my mind for the delivery and the fact that I really just don't know what to expect at all and the closer it gets, the more the feelings of anxiety intensify. I am so thankful, though, for all of the close friends and family and prayer warriors that God has placed in our lives. Without all of you I would feel lost, but I feel so encouraged to know so many are praying for us. I can't help but feel 'alone' in this (with the exception of Josh) but I know there are so many others standing by our side, and for that I do truly thank you all. I am also so thankful that God brought Josh in to my life and he is the one I am spending my life with forever. We haven't even been married a year (April 7 is our one year anniversary!) but it feels like we have faced more in the short amount of time than I thought I ever would in a lifetime.

My next appointment is with Dr. Pohl for my '30 week' appointment on Tuesday. I will technically be 31 weeks but he was out of town this week. It will be my last regular appointment with him because I start the non-stress testing (NST) the next week. The countdown is getting shorter and shorter until we meet our little Peanut and while nervous, I am also very excited for this time!

Thank you again to all of our Prayer Warriors!

Love to you all,
Ashlyn

"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways submit to him, and he will make your paths straight" Proverbs 3:5&6