Joshua 1:9

"Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go." 

When Josh and I found out about Sawyer's condition we still had not decided on a baby name. Knowing all that he would have to face at such a young age I wanted his name to mean something. Sawyer is a name that Josh and I both love, and most people probably think that his middle name is Joshua after his dad but that is not necessarily true. Joshua 1:9 is a verse that I have read over and over throughout these last few months and it has really been a source of encouragement. Sawyer is one strong boy and I hope he can cling to this verse throughout the rest of his life. A lot of people have commented on how strong I am through all of this, but this strength is not my own. It comes from the Lord and He has blessed me with a strength that is nothing I can achieve on my own. The Lord knows exactly what I need and when I need it and He has held me together when I literally feel like I am falling apart. I am human and I have my flaws but I am actively working on my relationship with the Lord and learning to depend on Him for all of my needs. With that being said, there are days when I feel so alone and afraid of everything that is going on that I am a bottomless pit of tears and emotions, but every night I am reminded of the Lord and His blessings for me and my family. Here are a few verses that have stood out the last week:

"Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord." Psalm 27:14

 "So we say with confidence, 'The Lord is my helper, I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me.' " Hebrews 13:6

"Be strong and take heart, all you who hope in the Lord." Psalm 31:24

The Lord is always on our side and will always reveal His plan in His time, NOT mine. Those of you who know me you know that I am hard-headed and a control freak. Not something I am entirely proud of, but it is the truth. The experience has taught me to rely on the Lord and the strongholds of his grace over my life. He will never forsake me, no matter how angry I get and how often I question His plan, He still loves me and is still the rock in which I can place my faith. Also, Josh is named after the verse Joshua 24:15 "But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord." Josh and I have only been married a little over a year, and when we found out we were expecting we NEVER thought that the pregnancy would take a twist and we would spend the first few weeks of our baby's life at Egleston, but we are here. We have grown closer as a couple and family, and learned to rely more on the Lord and His plan.

When I first started this blog I wasn't sure where it would take me. I wanted an outlet for my emotions and a way to share the updates of our sweet Sawyer with our rather large family. I now have over 300 page views daily and most are from people I have never even met but know of our story one way or another. I am choosing to glorify God through this experience and I hope that it makes an impact on at least one other person. We all have daily struggles, some that seem heart-wrenching and too much for us to handle, and in reality, they are too much for us to handle alone. But the Lord has promised to NEVER forsake His people and I am so thankful for the personal relationship I have with him because I would never be able to make it through this.

Here are some blessings that are arising amidst the struggle:

1. Sawyer- He is a such a miracle and blessing and makes my heart complete. The Lord has blessed me with a perfect son and I am so thankful. The doctors knew exactly what was going on and were prepared so we weren't taken by surprise.

2. Josh - He is an AMAZING father and husband and I wouldn't want to walk this path with anyone else. We met over 5 years ago and I had no idea where life would take us, but God knew. And He brought us together knowing that we would walk this path together and I am SO thankful!

3. Family - Our families have been such a support system through all of this and I am so glad that they all live relatively close. Josh and I have needed many shoulders to cry on and they have always been there. 

4. Community - I am so thankful for the community of followers that have committed to pray for us and our baby every day. Through prayer, words of encouragement, and donations you all have been a wonderful support system. 

I hope this post offers someone a glimpse of hope. There is a light at the end of our tunnel, and at the end of yours too. God is not going to let you walk this path alone, you just have to put your trust in Him. He knows the plans for your life, and they are great! Everything does happen for a reason and I am choosing to use this circumstance to glorify Him and try my hardest to praise Him in the midst of a hurricane.

Love,
Ashlyn

** I know there are many people who read the blog who may not be aware of the facebook page. I post A LOT of updates there, more frequently than here. There are also a lot of pictures of Sweet Sawyer :) Please head on over to www.facebook.com/BabyMurphyUpdates and "like" the page so you can get the most recent updates and pictures!